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SHE [yi qi kai shi de lv cheng]







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Sunday, June 11, 2006
To realise the value of friend: lose one

it has been a few yrs since the last time we poured our hearts out to each other...
it's onli after u left me, den i realised how important u were to me for those few yrs...
i cried, day and night...
i dreamt and hallucinated..
hoping tt u will come back to me one day...
but... my wish nv come true.

is our friendship so fragile?
wad made u left me?
i tot of it day and night...
i find faults with myself...
i guess i will nv understand the reason.
有?不愿?一?, 最后?失去一切
is tt y u leave me?
cos of my stubborness and unreasonable?

i always contemplate whether or not to inititate a patch up..
but my ego and indecisiveness eventually conquered me..
i jus let go every chance i had
i jus duno how to treasure and appreciate
im such a failure...

i know y u held such an important place in my heart:
u made me feel important in this world...
u made me see this world fr a different angle...
u brightened up my world full of darkness..
u filled up my empty heart too...
u are always there to feel my pain and sorrow, listen to wad i haf to say...
and most importantly, u made me believe again

when u were gone, i kept convincing myself tt i will live well without u.
i put on a strong front and forced myself to smile (even when i dun feel like)
but i know im lying to myself everyday.
since u were out of reach, tt's the onli way to make me stand strong all by myself.
perhaps u are too gd for me, tt's y god take u away fr me...
i jus dun deserve u.

i reali thank u fr the bottom of my heart.
u changed me, my life, my mindset completely...
without these changes, i believe i will lead a much more worse life than now...

although u brought misery up0on leaving,
but i still want to thank u for tt.
ur disappearance made more independent,
ur disappearance made me learn how to let go.
but believe me:
i nv hate u for leaving...

people playing as the role of "friends" walk in and out of our lives
but nv did i expect u to walk out so soon
without a reason nor explanation..
everything was so sudden tt i couldn't even recover in time.

"onli those who are comfortable with each other can sit together without speaking, for silence is pure and holy..."
i believe this feeling onli applies to u in my life so far...
i rmb some moments where we were both silent...
there's onli comfort; not at all awkward...

now whenever i tot of the past, i regretted my own actions.
i hate myself for being so cowardly and not daring to ask u WHY...
i hate myself for letting this friendship end without trying to save it...
it's onli through u tt i reali understand the importance and values of FREINDSHIP
through u, i oso learnt tt i'm not as strong as i tot - i cant handle my emotions alone..
without u, im truly a loner...
*do u know how lonely i feel these few yrs?*

i gave up the hope of us being v gd frens again long ago...
but i know i can nv forget the times we spent, cos memories can nv be erased..
i will try to hide them deep deep inside me.
"the pain lessens, but u'll always live with the loss"
till now, my eyes will still water whenever i tot of the fact tt we haf become strangers..
but those memories nv fail to bring a smile on my face =)

to all the pp out there reading...
i'm not trying to teach a lesson or sth
im jus sharing my thoughts after losing a very gd fren of mine.
i know this person will nv get to see this post cos this person doesn't even know i haf a blog..
maybe this person doesnt even remember me anymore..


dun let misunderstandings arise, for they will jus change ur life forever.
try to save things when u sense sth is amiss...
take the initiative...
dun jus sit there and wait
as you may not be lucky to see tt day arrive.
i haf oso heard stories fr frens tt lost their gd frens too...
even after they patched up, things can nv be the same again..

My main aim of this post is to haf a new beginning..

i've gathered my courage to type this out and post it up..

i shall make a promise to myself to let go completely...

this is the onli way to make me a person who is a REAL happy person.

wish me success



travelled... 10:44 PM
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Thursday, June 08, 2006
bleahx!
one more day to the deadline of handing in formal report and yet i haven finished x_X

hehe, tuesday went to watch OMEN with spen and mart..
haha.. mart v cool wor!
he can throw rubbish into the dustbin without aiming, lolx..
he jus needs to turn and throw suddenly.. so ZHUN ^^

bleahx! i realised i become more and more coward le..
last time when i watched horror movies, im not scared ^^
den when i went to watch in cinema 1+yr ago, i start to nudge pp when im scared..
now, i GRAB! be it pp's sleeves or legs or clothes... i jus need to grab =S

haizz.. kind of miss pr sch days...
we were all so innocent then.
no such things as i hate u, u hate me...
backstabbing was not present tt time..
now, everyone backstabs everyone..
*dun say u nv do tt b4*

anyway, ytd (wed) spent 12 hours in sch!! HAHA..
neeed to let seniors collect data fr us for their FYP..
felt to fat ytd man!
lunch ate macs, den chicken rice for dinner..
i still ate bak kwa when i reached home x_X

wahaha~ the seniors can be quite lame =X
during the first round, one chinese guy used cotton bud to lift my eyelids while another malay guy will take the pic of ur eye..
the chinese guy commented: wah~ ur eyelashes v long leh
den the malay guy said: so did u use maybelline or are u born with it??
LOLX..
maybelline ad @_@
den everytime i went in, the malay guy will tok bout maybelline -.o
for example, he said: eh~ next time dun use maybelline ok?
and he said to other pp: this gal uses maybelline.. let me show u
*faints*


travelled... 1:23 PM
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Tuesday, June 06, 2006
wahaha~
today the WP chairman treat us sth neh~
cos he made us wait v long >.<
well, since he made us wait for a gd cause, soooo... nvm =)
hm.. wad is it tt he treated us leh?
onli he knows, she knows, he knows, she knows, he knows, she knows, i know~
lolx, v lame hor @_@
ok la, i stop tt =p

hehe, today on my way home, i saw spen!!
haha, he jus finished PA TUO with someone (=
so fated sia, lolx..
cos he said if his card nv get stuck inside the machine while he top up, he wun board this bus le ^^
on the way home, we tok bout him being meatier, lolx..
so funny~
and he v funny ah~ still want me to wait with him at the traffic light for the green man, lolx..
bleahx! v long nv see pr sch pp le...

ahhh~ so sian de..
the gen opt de lecture slides and notes v usless leh..
i read the lecture 10 and i dun reali know wad's PHASE -.-
the info tt he gif is v little!! ARGHZz



travelled... 1:06 AM
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